Vanguard
by alienyouthct
Summary: Faith Lehane makes an ill-advised wish on her dying breath. Miranda Lawson makes an ill-advised wish in a moment of frustration. Now Commander Faith Shepard is back from the dead and ready to kick ass, take names, and seduce asari.
1. Jacob Taylor

Title: _Vanguard_  
Author: JoeHundredaire  
Rating: R/FR18  
Disclaimer: Right, I actually went and checked to be sure this time… _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_, _Angel: the Series_, and all associated characters belong to Warner Brothers these days. BioWare is the owner of the _Mass Effect_ trilogy, along with the mobile games, books, comics, and assorted other off-shoot products, and all related characters and concepts. Elsa, and all of the other characters and concepts from _Frozen_ are the property of Walt Disney Animation Studios. Not mine, don't sue, et cetera.  
Summary: Faith Lehane makes an ill-advised wish on her dying breath. Miranda Lawson makes an ill-advised wish in a moment of frustration. Now Commander Faith Shepard is back from the dead and ready to kick ass, take names, and seduce asari.  
Joe's Note: People received my original two one-shots so well that I decided to download a complete, hundred part video walkthrough of _Mass Effect 2_ and expand the universe of Faith Shepard. You'll see bits of _Perfection_ and _The Justicar_ in _Vanguard_ although neither is present in its original form, strictly speaking. And while I started writing the story with a third-person subjective present tense narrator, I had to go back and switch to past tense just because I found it awkward to try and handle any dialogue covering past events.

* * *

"What the hell?"

Snarling in irritation, Faith Lehane put two shots into another of the damn robots she'd been fighting since she woke up before dropping to her knees. Skidding the last few feet across the slick floor, she let herself bump up against the glass barrier that overlooked the gaping chasm between her and the remaining handful of robots. Assuming the mechs couldn't shoot through it, she decided, the wall would make for great cover while she caught her breath. Taking advantage of the momentary lull in the action, she glanced to her right, finding a large, dark-skinned man in black and white fatigues. And much to her surprise, he was as lightly armed as she was, toting a matching M-3 Predator as his only means of defense. Faith frowned; she'd been a patient in some sort of laboratory until a few minutes ago, and scavenged what she could find on her way to freedom. What was this guy's excuse? Before she could vocalize that question - or any of a dozen others floating through her head - he opened his mouth. "What are you doing here? I thought you were still a work in progress."

"Fuck if I know. I just woke up." Peeking up over the top of the barrier, Faith picked off another robot before ducking back into cover. "You probably know more than I do. Love to fix that, if you'd be down for it. Being in the dark sucks."

The man stared at her for a moment before shaking himself. "Right. Sorry about that. I'm Jacob Taylor. I've been stationed here for-" On the other side of the chasm, the doors slid open and more of those damn robots emerged, interrupting his attempt at an introduction. "Damn it!" Popping to his feet just long enough to pick one of them off, Jacob shook his head. "Things must be worse than I thought if Miranda's got you running around. I'll fill you in, but we'd better get you to the shuttle first."

Scoffing, Faith raised her pistol and pointed it lazily in the robots' direction, picking off two of the remaining four with a shot a piece. "Fuck that. From the moment I woke up, people have been ordering me around. No more. I want some answers, or I'll leave your ass here while I go find someone who will-"

"Fair enough. Settle for the quick version?" Jacob met Faith's gaze for a moment before jerking his head toward the robots. Point. They were a little strapped for time. She nodded and he continued. "You and your ship were attacked and destroyed. You were killed - dead as dead can be - when they brought you here. Our scientists spent the last two years putting you back together. You've been comatose or worse that whole time." The whole concept seemed more than a little fantastical to Faith… but then again, Red had resurrected both B and her pet Slayer. Twice in B's case, actually. Was the idea of science eventually reaching the same point so outrageous? Especially considering she was now living in some sort of bizarre future with space travel and robots and- "Miranda knows more than I do. But you can't ask her questions until we find her. First step: let's finish off these metal bastards. We're low on thermal clips, but I'm a biotic. Just give the order when you want me to hit 'em with the good stuff."

Jacob's arm glowed blue as he rose to his feet, and then Faith's jaw dropped as he made a pulling motion and one of the robots was yanked off its feet, floating lazily through the air toward them until Jacob blew its head off. Looking down at her free hand, she made a fist and watched as brilliant red flames crawled over her armored hand. 'Biotics', huh? Up until now, she'd thought it to be some kind of strange magic clinging to her after a resurrection. But here was someone else with it - or at least something similar - who wasn't undead. And knew what to do with it. Well, wasn't that wicked convenient?

Faith still had no real idea what was going on, why she was there instead of bleeding out on the pavement in Cleveland, where 'here' actually was, or why she partially remembered the life of a woman named Alexis Shepard. But if there was one thing Faith did know, it was how to adapt. Nodding to Jacob, Faith waited for him to lift the last robot into the air before lacing it with bullets.

Not to mention that based on some of the faces floating around in Alexis's memories, Faith could think of worse places to adapt to…

In short order, the remaining few mechs were destroyed, the last of them torn apart by Faith trying to do a pull of her own and grabbing one of the robots at the same time as Jacob. The two exchanged looks of surprise before chuckling and holstering their pistols. In Faith's case, it was because she still wasn't terribly comfortable with the thing even if her Slayerness made her fully capable of handling it. Why Jacob was so eager to disarm in a situation like this, she had no idea. "All right. Now what?"

Raising his left arm, Jacob consulted some sort of glowing orange computer thing that popped up around his arm. Faith would have been jealous, but figured she probably had one too and just didn't know how to use it yet. Suddenly, Jacob's eyes widened. "I've still got life signs for Subject E. We should try and rescue her on our way to Miranda." Jacob looked up and was met by a raised eyebrow from Faith. "Right. You don't know where anything is here. C'mon."

Not having a better plan, Faith decided to just roll with it. Trotting along behind Jacob, she followed him through the labyrinthine hallways of the station until they finally arrived at what was - at least according to the wall - crew quarters. Considering door they stopped at had a glowing red hologram over it instead of a green, which Jacob had to unlock using his arm computer and several seconds of typing? Faith had a feeling the wall was a lie.

When the door slid open, Faith was greeted by the sight of a slender blonde in a slinky, two-tone blue dress with an icy blue glowing arm computer that matched her dress. The woman looked up from what she was doing at the sound, eyes widening. "So. They did it then. Amazing."

"Usually when I'm in a woman's bedroom and she's calling me amazing, it's for another reason entirely." Faith let out a laugh as Jacob made a choking noise behind her even as the blonde blushed brightly. The moment of levity ended when Faith's superhuman hearing picked up the sounds of gunfire and screams of pain. Drawing her pistol again, Faith made a beckoning gesture with her free hand. "Time to go, Blondie. Come with me if you want to live."

The blue glow disappeared as the woman rose to her feet, her eyes narrowing. "My name isn't 'Blondie'. I…" Spreading her arms, the blonde did… something… that caused swirls of white energy to appear and twine around her body, leaving behind a layer of smooth, organic ice armor. "…am Queen Elsa of Arendelle."

"Well then let's go, Your Highnessness."


	2. Miranda Lawson

Joe's Note: If you were expecting to see _Perfection_ for the first encounter of Miranda and Faith, sorry. That's set over halfway through the game, after Horizon and Illium and Samara's acquisition. I'm still planning to integrate it at some point, though. Just not yet.

* * *

Faith glanced to her left.

Miranda Lawson sighed.

After a few more steps, Faith glanced to her left again.

That elicited another sigh from Miranda.

After Faith's third glance, she couldn't help but snicker and Miranda let out her loudest sigh yet before finally speaking. "Yes, Commander Le… Shepard?"

The slight verbal slip was almost enough to distract Faith from her torment of the overly serious Cerberus operative. From the moment she'd woken up, the Slayer turned soldier had been 'Shepard' to one and all. And not 'Alexis Shepard', either, like in the memories she'd inherited. Lieutenant Commander Faith Shepard, service number 5923-AC-2826, N7 marine and first human Spectre. Somehow, not only had she been brought forward into the future, but she'd been made a part of it. For everyone except Miranda, that was; the similar slip when they'd first met could have been a coincidence… but a second, identical mistake? That was harder to ignore or dismiss. She knew something. And at some point, Faith was going to find out what that was.

Right now was not that point, though. "It's wicked cold out. I'm kinda curious how you're not like, tearing through that thing." If there was any doubt as to what Faith was referring to, her leer at Miranda's catsuit-clad breasts destroyed them. "I mean, I'm wearing a full suit of armor and I'm still hard enough to cut diamond under here. What the hell is your outfit made out of? And can I get some armor made out of it?"

Miranda let out yet another annoyed sigh before rolling her eyes. "How very droll. For your information, my attire is climate-controlled by a VI monitor and so I'm perfectly comfortable at the moment. The technical specifications for your armor didn't mention much in the way of creature comforts, meaning your problem is more likely a failing of Serrice Council than that particular hardsuit. Perhaps it might be a good idea to invest in some proper, human-made armor in the near future?"

"Nah. Thinking of giving up armor completely, actually. You of all people should know that bulk and biotics don't mix; if it did, you'd be wearing something like this yourself. Maybe I'll raid your closet to see if you've got that getup in any other colors. Or… hmm. I've got two or three blueberries who still owe me big favors." Well, technically they owed Alexis big favors. Same difference these days, right? "They seemed plenty warm on Noveria. What do you think of some asari commando leathers done up in Cerberus black and white? Maybe put your logo on the back?"

"…surely you can't be serious."

"I am serious. And don't call me Shirley." Chuckling at Miranda's grimace, Faith looked around curious. Snow. Frost-covered buildings. Freedom's Progress was definitely a sci-fi nerd's winter wonderland. And yet… "Can't help but notice that we're missing someone who'd fit right in here. Where's Her Royal Highnessness?"

The question made Jacob look intensely uncomfortable, the former marine abruptly finding himself with a need to tweak some setting on his shotgun. That made Faith shoot a hard look Miranda's way. The brunette flinched back a step before drawing herself up to her full height. "During her own post-resurrection interviews, Miss Agðardóttir claimed that she had no unusual abilities beyond her longevity and resistance to cold, and the myths about her were just that. Obviously she lied. Accordingly, she's being more thoroughly interviewed and evaluated to see what else she's been hiding from us."

Faith raised an eyebrow at that. "You do know saying things like that is a great way to keep me thinking that you kick puppies and drown babies and shit, right?" Before Miranda could reply, the Slayer-turned-Spectre frowned and raised her hand, cutting the taller woman off. Storing the Acolyte pistol she'd been using since landing, she reached behind her back and drew its big sister: the Disciple shotgun. It whined softly as it expanded to full size in her hands, and then she pointed it at the boxy prefabricated habitation unit at the top of the stairs. "We've got company. At least half a dozen of them. Quarians, judging by the voices."

Scowling, Miranda stowed her submachine gun before switching to something that Faith was pretty sure crossed the line from 'heavy pistol' to 'hand cannon'. "Suit rats. Lovely. I know how I'd prefer to handle the matter, but since you're in charge at the moment…"

Faith cocked her head to the side as she slowly ascended the stairs, Disciple at the ready even though she wasn't entirely sure she'd need to use it. For some reason, one of the voice seemed familiar to her… and then it hit her. The voice wasn't someone familiar to Faith Lehane, but Alexis Shepard knew the individual well. "Don't worry, I've got this." Slapping one hand against the door's haptic interface, she waited for it to slide open before blindly tossing her Disciple back at Miranda. "Hold my shotgun while I hug my quarian."

Before she could make it more than a few steps into the prefab, a trio of quarians armed with assault rifles rushed forward to intercept her. "Freeze!"

Raising her hands in surrender, Faith smirked at the dark-suited quarian before nodding back over her shoulder. "Already am. Why do you think I'm coming inside? This planet makes Boston in the winter look like Los Angeles."

"Prazza! You said you'd let me handle this!" The owner of the familiar voice - who wasn't exactly physically familiar owing to what appeared to be a new environmental suit - rushed forward to position herself between Faith and the trio of armed quarians. After a second, Tali'Zorah nar Rayya slowly turned her head back toward Faith. "Wait… Faith?"

Faith opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by Prazza. "I'm not taking any chances with Cerberus operatives!" Huh? Her armor was black with red and white N7 markings. Asari technology in Alliance colors. How the fuck did he know that she… Faith glanced back over her shoulder, rolling her eyes at the sight of Jacob and Miranda entering the prefab behind her with guns drawn. Oh. That was how. What part of 'I got this' hadn't they understood? Evidently good help was as hard to find here as it had been back in Cleveland before her death.

Thankfully, Tali was there to keep things from coming to blows. Or bullets. Or biotics. Or- "Put those weapons down!" After a moment, the soldiers obeyed her command, allowing Tali to return her attention to Faith. "Faith? Is that… you're alive?"

"What do Mallene, Nassana, and Shiala all have in common?"

"They can all make their toes touch their headtresses… which I didn't need to know back then and I still don't want to think about." Rushing forward, Tali hauled Faith into a tight hug for a few seconds before pulling back. "But… how? You were dead."

Faith kept one arm around Tali's waist as she turned and gestured to Miranda with her free hand. "Meet Miracle Miranda. Guess I was only mostly dead, which meant I was still slightly alive."

Snorting, Miranda tossed the white and purple shotgun she was holding back to Faith, who collapsed it and stored it at the small of her back. "I assure you, Commander, you were completely dead when Miss T'Soni turned you over to Cerberus. After spending a few hours in your presence, I'm already starting to miss those days."


	3. Veetor'Nara

Joe's Note: This one takes most of its dialogue straight from the mission but… but! Don't let that fool you. There are two different plot twists in this, one significantly more noticeable than the other.

* * *

"You don't know. You didn't see. But I see everything."

With those foreboding words and a few taps, Veetor restored the orange-tinged video on the nine holographic displays and Faith stepped forward, squinting as she tried to make out details in the grainy footage. Humanoid aliens of some sort were pushing strange, lumpy, floating pods through the streets of the colony as insects flitted back and forth in front of the cameras. Behind her, Miranda shared the thought already running through Faith's head. "Looks like security footage. He must have pieced it together manually."

Manipulating his omni-tool, Jacob isolated one of the feeds and froze it before expanding it to occupy all nine display panels. "What the hell is that?"

"My God." Putting aside her dislike for the moment, Miranda brushed against Faith as she leaned in, fingers flying over her own omni-tool as she worked to clean up the footage. "I think… I think that's a Collector!"

Faith had taken advantage of the long flights from Lazarus Research Station to Minuteman Station and then from Minuteman Station onward to Freedom's Progress as best she could, using a meditation technique she'd learned from Giles after the fall of Sunnydale to integrate as many of Alexis Shepard's memories as possible. Considering she had far better control of her biotics now than she'd had upon awakening - and knew what an omni-tool was, rather than thinking of it as an 'arm computer' - she was relatively certain it was working. And yet for all the new things she'd learned from Alexis, the name didn't ring a bell to Faith. "The fuck is a Collector?"

Six panels of moving footage returned as the leftmost three switched to display a drawing of an insectoid alien remarkably similar to the figures on screen. Okay, Faith mused, so they were ugly fuckers. What else? Thankfully, Jacob was willing to provide some commentary as well. "They're a species from somewhere beyond the Omega-4 relay. Only a few people have seen one before in person."

"They usually work through intermediaries like slavers or hired mercenaries. Usually in search of very specific groups of sentient beings: left-handed salarians, asari purebloods who live on very specific worlds, batarian twins, things like that." Finally leaning back, Miranda crossed her arms over her chest as she stared at the screens. "If they're involved with the Reapers somehow, it could explain what happened to the other colonies."

Restoring the full nine screens of footage, Jacob circled around Veetor on the right as he watched as the colonists' abduction continued to play out. "Yeah. The Collectors have advanced technology, which is why some people are willing to work with them despite it basically forcing them to be slavers. They could have a weapon that disables an entire settlement at once."

Veetor nodded frantically at that. "The seeker swarms. No one can hide. The seekers find you. Freeze you. Then the monsters take you away."

Seeker swarms? Faith eyed the security footage. The bugs, maybe? That would explain why they'd mysteriously disappeared between whenever the footage was shot and now. "So they showed up, unleashed the bugs on the colony, and then started stuffing people in those pods. Then what?"

"The monsters took the people onto the ship. And then they left. The ship flew away." Veetor trailed off, staring at the screens silently for a few seconds before turning back to Faith. "But they'll be back for me! No one escapes!"

After a few seconds, Jacob sighed and shook his head. "I think that's probably all we're getting out of him, Commander. He's pretty far gone. Not that I blame him. Doubt I'd be doing much better after going through something like this…"

Faith nodded absently, her eyes locked on the screens. There was something about the Collectors that bothered her on a level that went beyond the abductions. Whatever it was, though, it wasn't definite enough for her to vocalize in a way that would make sense. But still… there was something about their physical appearance that nagged at her. After a few seconds, she shrugged it off and turned her attention to their reluctant helper. "Yeah. I'm surprised we got this much out of him. I've seen people end up worse from a lot less."

Suddenly, a three-fingered hand snapped out to wrap around her left wrist, tugging on it until Faith turned to face Veetor. "I studied them. The monsters. The swarms." He tapped first at her omni-tool, then at his, and then at hers again, connecting the two and transferring a large quantity of information. "The monsters ignored the mechs. I downloaded their memory cores. Lots of readings: video, audio, thermal, electromagnetic, dark energy…"

Evidently, it was suddenly Invade Faith's Personal Space Day, because Miranda was sidling up next to her so she could peer at the smaller brunette's omni-tool. "We need to get this data to the Illusive Man. Grab the quarian and call the shuttle to come pick us up."

"What?" Faith groaned as the door slid open at exactly the wrong moment, allowing Tali to rush into the room. "Veetor is injured. He needs treatment, not an interrogation."

"We're not barbarians, Miss Zorah. We're merely interested in finding out whether or not he knows anything else about the attack. He'll be returned unharmed." Miranda's hand dropped to her pistol, spooking Tali into drawing an almost comically large shotgun from the hardpoint at the small of her own back. "Your people tried to betray us once already. If we give him to you, we'll never get the intel we need."

Tali scoffed at that before jerking her thumb back over her shoulder. "Prazza was an idiot, and he and his men paid for it. I know the others and I owe you our lives at this point but please… just take his omni-tool and go. Let me bring Veetor somewhere he can get help. If he reveals anything else I think can help, I swear I'll pass it along to Faith."

Looking back and forth between the two women, Faith frowned for a moment before perking up as she realized there was a very obvious solution to both women's problems. "The Illusive Man wants me to save the galaxy again or some shit. I'm sure that's going to involve a ship… that will have room for two more. Why don't you come with us, Tali? Miranda can question Veetor about the attack, you can supervise things, and when she's done… Miranda, I bet the Illusive Man would agree that a Kodiak is fair payment for the first real intel we've gotten about an attack, yeah?" Miranda pondered that for a few seconds before nodding slowly. "See? Everyone wins. We get information, you don't have to worry about Veetor, and the Flotilla gets a new ship. How bout it?"

"This was supposed to be a quick detour on our way to an important mission, but… if the mission couldn't wait, the Admiralty wouldn't have asked us to detour." Wandering over, Tali placed a hand on Veetor's shoulder before glaring over at Miranda. "Fine. But I want to supervise his medical treatment too. I doubt Cerberus has anyone who knows how to properly treat a quarian."

As Miranda and Tali began to bicker over the former's qualifications as a doctor and Jacob called for a pickup, Faith tuned the entire room out and let her eyes drift back over to rest on the looping footage of the attack. Aliens that were both familiar and not. Fan-fucking-tastic. Another mystery was just what she needed right now…


	4. Dr Karin Chakwas

Joe's Note: For those of you worried by the close adherence to the early stages of the game… well, I do intend to use both _Mass Effect 2_ and _Mass Effect 3_ in this saga, meaning I do need to keep the rough strokes of things the same. Even more so because I want to use bits of _Project: Firewalker_, _Overlord_, _Lair of the Shadow Broker_, _Arrival_, _From Ashes_, _Leviathan_, _Omega_, and _Citadel_. That being said, I'm working with another author at the moment on some events for _Vanguard_ that will revolve around the thoi'han and/or inusannon.

* * *

Faith's head spun as she wandered the corridors of the new _Normandy_. Everything Alexis remembered about her ship was back, just bigger and - usually - better than the original Systems Alliance version. 'Usually' because… well, Faith didn't have the slightest bit of military training and even she could spot a handful of fairly major goofs. For instance, what genius had thought up the idea of putting the armory on the second deck near the CIC? In a spot without direct access to the elevator, even? Putting the conference room out in East Buttfuck didn't really make much sense to her either, nor did making accessible solely by tromping through either the research lab or the armory. And the layout of her cabin was… curious… to be polite. Although she did have to wonder what Cerberus has heard and from who if they were giving her a bed big enough to sleep half a dozen…

Oh wait. Alexis Shepard had hardly been a paragon of discretion when it came to her sexual adventures, both before and after being made a Spectre. All Cerberus would have had to do was toss 'Shepard' and 'sex' into this time period's 'extranet' to get plenty of information about why she'd need that big a bed. Now she just needed to figure out what to do with it, since the ship was currently criminal low on blueberries…

Shooting a glance over at the office Miranda had retreated to upon completing their brief tour of the new _Normandy_, Faith's eyes widened at the sight of Elsa banging on the sealed doors before summoning an ice construct to force them open so she could enter. Faith shook her head; while Elsa was a relatively down to earth and friendly individual when things weren't going to hell all around her, she was relatively down to earth and friendly… for a queen. After having seen the crew quarters that would be shared by everyone who wasn't her, Miranda, and anyone lucky enough to join them in bed? Faith could guess exactly what had Elsa on the warpath, and didn't blame the blonde one whit. The only real question was whether Miranda would submit to a sharing arrangement or if Elsa would evict her entirely.

Deciding to let them hash things out on their own - at least for now - Faith turned and headed toward the medical lab. After all, she realized, it was probably a good idea to check in with Tali and Veetor. Make sure that he was getting decent care, what with her promising as much and all. The door slid open smoothly as Faith approached and her eyes immediately jumped to where Veetor was sitting on one of the beds with Tali standing beside him. Then she realized there was a third person in the room: a grey-haired woman in a black and white coat. When the chair spun around to face her, Faith's jaw dropped at the sight that greeted her. "Doc?"

"Commander Shepard. I watched the _Normandy_ crumble with you onboard." Doctor Karin Chakwas looked Faith up and down slowly in a way that only doctors could: assessing, evaluating. "It's good to see you alive."

Faith nodded, closing the distance between them and reaching out to shake the older woman's hand. For some reason, she found it especially interesting that Chakwas of all people wasn't aware of the shenanigans surrounding Alexis-turned-Faith Shepard. If anyone was going to notice, shouldn't it have been the doctor who knew her inside and out from their time together aboard the original _Normandy_? "Good to be alive. But I've gotta ask… the hell, Doc? You're the last person I would expect to see on a Cerberus ship…"

After shaking Faith's hand, Chakwas relaxed back into her seat before shrugging. "It's hardly where I thought I'd be these days when last we spoke, and yet here I am. You, on the other hand… the kind of trauma you endured would have changed most people. But not you, I see. Welcome back, Shepard."

Throwing herself down in the chair across from the doctor's, Faith glanced over at the pair of quarians before leaning in and lowering her voice. What she wanted to know was hardly top secret, but that didn't mean Chakwas wanted everyone knowing her personal business. "Haven't you been with the Alliance since… hell, didn't they put you through medical school? Why'd you leave?"

"After the _Normandy_ was lost, the surviving crew was… reassigned. I was stationed at the Mars Naval Medical Center. A very… respectable… position." Chakwas sighed before shaking her head. "But it wasn't on a starship. And so when a better offer came along, I took it."

For some reason, Faith was pretty damn sure there was more to the story behind the doc's defection than simply being reassigned to a planetside post… a lot more… but if Chakwas wanted to keep it to herself, Faith reasoned, that was her business. So rather than push, she merely leaned back in her seat and shot another look over at Tali and Veetor. "You need anything? For some reason, I doubt Cerberus stocked this place with 'suit rats' in mind…"

Chakwas frowned at that before spinning around to face her console. "Actually, our benefactor seems to have anticipated that recruiting the absolute best for this mission might bring us into contact with some unusual individuals. I found a remarkably large selection of pharmaceuticals meant for quarians in my inventory when I began treating Veetor… along with asari, turian, drell, salarian, and krogan medications. That being said, quarian psychopharmacological treatments were not among the medicines they supplied me with… nor did they see fit to replace my private reserves." She shook her head sadly before looking back over her shoulder at Faith. "I was still waiting for the right occasion to open that bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy you bought me when the _Normandy_ was destroyed…"

While Faith hadn't yet finished integrating every last one of Alexis Shepard's memories, she 'remembered' presenting the doctor with that gift… along with how she acquired the brandy in the first place. She smirked, wondering if Neena was still working at Purgatory and if she'd be interested in bartering for another bottle the same way Alexis and the asari had when the Spectre had stopped in for some downtime after Feros. "I'll keep an eye out for a replacement, Doc." Faith waved her hand to silence Chakwas as the older woman opened her mouth to argue. "Seriously, don't worry about it. It would be my pleasure."

"I can only imagine. Very well, if you insist. I don't think I want…" Chakwas trailed off as she looked to her right, and Faith followed her gaze out the window… before bursting into laughter. Miranda was writhing and shouting as she hung upside-down from the hand of some sort of ice golem. It carried her out into the middle of the mess hall before dropping her and then exploding into a cloud of snow that slowly drifted down onto the deck around the disheveled brunette. Before Miranda could climb to her feet, Elsa turned away and stalked back into what had formerly been Miranda's office. "Oh dear."

Faith couldn't manage to stop laughing, eventually settling for nodding in agreement. She continued to fight for composure as Miranda finally rose from the deck, turning to the medical bay windows and shouting for a few seconds as she gestured back at her office before finally settling for crossing her arms over her chest and… if that wasn't pouting, Faith was from the Bronx. Turning back to Chakwas as she allowed herself a few last chuckles, Faith shook her head. "I should go."


	5. Elsa of Arendelle

Joe's Note: While I was thinking of - snortgiggle - letting Elsa's story go… untold until a point where I could address it in a continuation chapter of the story, I decided that it would actually fit better before the refit arc for a few reasons. Well, that and it provided a hilarious revision to the start of Chapter 4 along with an equally funny new ending.

* * *

"Huh. You take this whole 'ice queen' thing of yours pretty seriously, don't you?"

Looking up from where she was trying to detach the computer from what had formerly been Miranda's desk, Elsa frowned. "I will tolerate a lot of things, Commander Shepard, but I draw the line at what your second insisted were my quarters. Back in Arendelle, the lowliest of my servants was given better accommodations than that."

Faith wandered over to the ice desk that would presumably replace its metal analog, hopping up to sit on the edge. "I hate to break it to you, Your Highnessness, but you're not in Arendelle anymore. It's a spaceship with a bunch of people crewing it and not a lot of space to put them in. Just be glad you're not on the SR-1. Everyone except the captain was stuck using sleeper pods." She paused for a moment before amending that. "Well, Liara slept in the room behind the medical lab. I think Chakwas actually slept in her lab. Wrex and Garrus slept down near the Mako. And I'm not quite sure where Tali slept, now that I think about it…"

"Yet I can't help but notice that this ship had room enough for these quarters. And yours are even more extravagant, aren't they?" Elsa eyed Faith with a mixture of accusation and curiosity, making the brunette roll her eyes before nodding in agreement. Because yes, it was totally her fault that the ship had problems. The ship that had been designed and built while she was a corpse on a slab. "You're the one who argued to the Illusive Man that I would be more useful here than in a lab. Despite being a queen, I'm not unfamiliar with the concept of earning a fair wage for services performed. I have no need for your 'credits'. Consider this space to be my wages."

"You do realize that stores still operate on money in this century, right? There ain't exactly a royal treasury for you to lean on if you decide you want something from a shop on the Citadel."

"…this room and some credits for chocolate, then."

The first thing on her Cerberus-approved agenda was picking up some dude that was being released from the prison ship Purgatory thanks to Cerberus paying a ridiculous sum of money, and then she was off to Omega to hook up with a mercenary they'd hired who wanted her help with some sort of side mission… along with the pile of credits Cerberus was giving him. Well, there were Massani and two others awaiting her at that shit hole: a vigilante and a salarian doctor, both of whom she had been told she 'had' to recruit but with which Cerberus wasn't being especially helpful. If Alexis's life was anything to go by, though? There'd probably be either rescuing, side missions full of deep personal meaning, or possibly both involved. Compared to that? Surrendering Miranda's office in exchange for Elsa's help seemed downright trivial. Mostly because… well, Miranda was a bitch. Spending some time bunking with the mere mortals might do her good. And with the upcoming refit, chances were that she could find some space for a new office-slash-quarters for the woman if her behavior warranted it.

Maybe.

That being said? Elsa might have been a queen of her own castle at one point - Faith had no fucking idea; she'd never even heard of Arendelle, nor had Alexis - she was on the Normandy now, and that meant recognizing who the queen of her new castle was. "Let's get something straight, though: I know fuck and all about you. The only reason I requested you was because I didn't want you getting stuffed into a Cerberus lab somewhere and experimented on for the rest of what would probably be a wicked short life. Nobody deserves that. That being said? I got a job to do, and if you don't wanna be helpful? I will dump your ass off at our first stop and let you figure shit out from there." After wiggling her increasingly numb rear a bit, Faith finally gave in and slid off the desk, bouncing on her toes a few times as she reached back to rub her ass. "That's if you don't wanna play nice, though. If you do? I'm willing to work with you if you're willing to work with me. That ice armor was wicked awesome, and I'm guessing that's not all you've been hiding from Cerberus."

Elsa allowed herself a slight smirk even as she summoned her omni-tool, manipulating it until a glowing blue blade emerged from the top. "If they'd asked instead of demanding? They would have found that I'm full of interesting tricks." She bent down, lining up her strike, and then thrust the glowing blade between the desk and the computer, letting out a cheer when the console came free. "There we go. And since you're… not quite asking, but at least wondering in a polite enough manner? I came aboard this ship in the same Cerberus fatigues as you. I'm now wearing a rather lovely dress. Think about that."

"Holy shit, your dress is made of ice?" Faith's eyes widened as Elsa grinned and tapped the side of her nose with one finger. "That… explains why you think ice furniture is a good idea. Kinda. Not really. How are you not freezing to death?"

Elsa brushed past Faith as she moved the computer over to her future desk before making her way back over to Miranda's and wrapping it in tendrils of icy power that caused it to crack and then crumble into dust before Faith's eyes. "What can I say? I learned a long time ago that the cold doesn't bother me. One of the less visible aspects of my powers. Another is how I ended up here today." Faith raised an eyebrow at that, gesturing for the blonde to continue. "After I fully embraced and accepted my powers, I stopped aging for some reason. I went back to the rock trolls, but they couldn't explain it or figure out how to help me. So I watched my sister grow older and older, and then finally die. My subjects. Their children. Their children's children. Eventually, I got tired of seeing the world move on around me while I remained the same. I thought if I took a bit of a break from it and then came back to something new, it'd be less painful. I used my powers to… by today's standards, it'd be called cryogenic suspension. Except I guess I went a bit overboard, because I ended up sleeping for over a millennia."

It wasn't hard for Faith to fill in the rest of that story. "Cerberus found you somehow, thawed you out, and then kept you around because they were trying to thaw me out and thought you might be useful." Elsa nodded, making Faith wince. Now she felt kinda responsible for the woman. If it wasn't for her… well, they probably would have found Elsa anyway, but things might have unfolded differently from there. Still. They hadn't. "So, you can make ice armor and ice dresses and ice furniture. Um… gotta be honest with you, I'm not sure how that would make you useful around here."

"I can use my powers in battle. Even with modern technology, I'm sure that my ice golems could help on the battlefield. I also find that putting a razor sharp ice spike through someone's face tends to slow them down considerably." …okay. Her Highnessness could be scary as shit when she wanted to be. "But that's not what I'd like to offer. I was queen of my country for almost a century and a half, and a very involved one at that. Especially during our two wars. After having spent several minutes in Operative Lawson's presence? I think… no, I know that I could be a better executive officer to you than her." Elsa waved her hand in the direction of her ice desk, causing the legs to come to life and walk it into place before solidifying again. Creating a chair behind it, Elsa lowered herself into her new seat and rested her elbows on the desk as she stared up at Faith. "Your crew doesn't need someone to tell them how to do their jobs, or to watch over their shoulders while they do it. They need someone to make sure they have what they need to do their jobs. I can handle that."

Wait, she'd been a queen for almost a hundred and fifty years? Holy shit, how old was this chick? Not counting her time on ice, even? Faith shook her head before refocusing and pondering Elsa's words. What the blonde was suggesting would also allow her to deploy Miranda on missions more often, Faith realized, as well as keeping her friends close but her enemies closer. As it was, Miranda could argue that the XO was supposed to stay aboard the vessel and remain in command while the CO was otherwise occupied. If Elsa took over that role, Faith could keep Miranda on a very short leash, at least until she proved herself trustworthy.

Short leash figuratively speaking, of course. Miranda was easy on the eyes and all, but not quite her type. Bit too not-blue for her tastes. Or purple.

"Elsa, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."


	6. Jeff 'Joker' Moreau

Joe's Note: Oh, and just in case it's not exceptionally clear at this point… I'm not planning to do a blow-by-blow playthrough of the game. We'll see some moments from missions, some moments from between missions, some original content… and some missions or between mission moments from canon will be completely ignored. I'm after the slices of life showing how Faith interacts with the residents of the _Mass Effect_ universe, not a "let's novelize two games, but using Faith instead of Shepard" story.

* * *

Making her way from the CIC through what Alexis had affectionately thought of as 'the trench' on the original _Normandy_, Faith muttered softly as she tapped away at a datapad. Rather than just be a whiner, she'd taken her list of grievances with the new ship's design and the simplified set of schematics that EDI had been willing to part with, and was now trying her hand at playing interior designer. Some of it just involved playing Musical Rooms aboard the _Normandy_, like forcing Jacob to haul all the guns and armor down to the shuttle bay, while other ideas of hers were definitely going to require some credits to change hands while the ship was in dock.

To say that Miranda had taken her eviction and demotion badly would be like saying the hanar were a little religious. Wicked understatement. So Faith was going to make a point of including alternative quarters for the woman in her redesign of the ship, if for no other reason to avoid waking up one morning with a control chip embedded in the back of her neck. She'd probably use the space previously consumed by the armory proper for that; the space was big enough, and it wouldn't be hard to install a new bulkhead and separate it from the hallway connecting to the conference room. The space between Miranda's new quarters and the CIC… an office, perhaps? She'd be involved with most any meeting in the conference room, so people tromping through to gain access wouldn't be as big a deal. Maybe it could have two desks, so Kelly could have somewhere to go most of the time? Because as best Faith could tell from Alexis's memories, a yeoman was basically a watered down XO in terms of duties… and that wasn't someone she needed cluttering up the CIC. Especially during combat.

Speaking of quarters, though, Faith had to wonder… were they trying to isolate her and breed resentment by making her massive quarters the only thing on Deck 1? Because according to EDI, the space on the other side of the elevator was essentially the equivalent of an unfinished attic. While they wouldn't be duplicating her - or even Elsa's - living space over there, they could at least open up a bit more living space so the crew wasn't cramming eight or more bodies a shift into something smaller than her motel room back in Sunnydale.

Faith looked up from her work as she reached the cockpit, smirking at the familiar sound of two women moaning. She stood there for a few seconds, staring out the windows into deep space, and then cleared her throat. The cockpit abruptly went silent and then the pilot's chair slowly spun around to face her, revealing a familiar - and blushing - face. "Uh, sorry. That was supposed to go to my earpiece." Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly before spreading his arms wide, gesturing to his surroundings. "Can you believe this, Commander? It's my baby, better than new! It fits me like a glove!"

"Good to hear." Faith slipped past him on the right, throwing herself down into the… she wasn't entirely sure whose seat she was in. Was Joker stuck with a co-pilot on Miranda's orders these days? Was the navigator taking a piss? Eh, whatever. It was her seat now. "Cuz unless they discovered a cure for Vrolik Syndrome while I was gone, it's the only glove you get to wear…"

Joker snorted at that. "Oh sure, pick on the cripple. That's cool. Not." Spinning himself around to face forward again, he patted the armrests of his chair. "Gotta say, I'm digging the leather seats. Military may set the hardware standard, but on a first-gen frigate they can care less if the seats breathe. The civilian sector is where the comfort's at."

Before Faith could reply, a glowing blue orb popped up off to Joker's left. "The reproduction was not intended to be perfect, Mister Moreau. Seamless improvements were made."

Shooting a glare over at EDI's holographic form, Joker sighed. "And there's the downside. I liked the _Normandy_ when she was beautiful and quiet. Now she's got this… thing… I don't wanna talk about. It's like ship cancer."

"I dunno, I kinda dig her. Well, now that I know she's here." Faith grimaced before leaning forward so she could peer past Joker at EDI's hologram. "By the way, my bad about shooting your projector in the CIC. I'll make sure that gets fixed ASAP."

Joker slowly turned to stare at Faith, his mouth hanging open. "You shot EDI? Wow. I hate it like you wouldn't believe, and the worst I've done so far is…" Trailing off, Joker's eyes dropped to the sleek white and purple Acolyte hanging from Faith's hip. "Actually, can I borrow that for a sec?"

Scowling, Faith crossed her arms over her chest. "No. And it's not my fault, damn it. The last billion or so AIs that I've met have tried to kill me. I'm used to shooting anything with circuits that can think for itself."

"While your behavior was more extreme than anticipated, Shepard, that was the overall reaction that the Illusive Man anticipated for precisely the reason you stated. That was why I chose to reveal myself when I did, rather than in the middle of combat." EDI's strange, vertical mouth paused for a moment before continuing. "With that being said, our inventory does not currently include the parts to repair the damage you did to the CIC, and I would prefer to obtain quality replacements from the original supplier if possible. Coincidentally, Cord-Hislop Aerospace is also the only company authorized by the Illusive Man to board and service the _Normandy_, making their assistance necessary for the retrofit you are considering. In case you are curious, their nearest facility is located aboard the Citadel."

Joker perked up at that. "Retrofit? Don't suppose that's gonna include a bathroom up here on Deck 2, is it? Do you know how long it takes me to hike to the head and back? They gave me this bottle as a joke, but lemme tell you-"

"Rather you not, thanks." That was wicked convenient, though. Faith wanted to talk to the Council about the Collectors, Councilor Anderson wanted to talk to her, one of the people the Illusive Man wanted her to recruit was on the Citadel at this very moment, and so was the most powerful of the people who still owed Alexis Shepard favors. Rising to her feet, she reached over and carefully patted a spot on Joker's seat near his shoulder rather than risking a broken bone by bringing her hand down directly on his body. "I'll see what I can do about that bathroom, Joker. Set a course for the Citadel. And EDI, tell Elsa and Miri to meet me up in my cabin. Got some ideas I wanna bounce off them."

As the _Normandy_'s engines engaged, powering the ship toward the nearby mass relay now that they finally had a destination, EDI's holographic bulb flickered a few times. When she finally spoke, there was a faintly uncertain tone to her synthesized voice. "I assume that by 'Miri', you are referring to Operative Lawson?"

"Eh, she spent how long staring at me naked? I think we're on a first name basis now." Faith paused in the doorway of the cockpit, looking back at EDI. "Hey, seeing as how I'm the captain here and all… can I command you to call her that too? Just to mess with her head a bit?"

"No."

"Damn. Well, it was worth a try." Although now that Faith thought about it, there was at least one more task she could foist off onto a subordinate… and Joker wasn't exactly gonna bitch about being ordered to chat with a cute blue face. "Oh, and Joker? Can you put in a call to the Consort's Chambers and let Nelyna know I need to speak with her boss?"


End file.
